its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize