Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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