i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
