I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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