I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong