Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
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I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
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Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.