How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.