i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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