It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
