he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
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I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
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And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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