I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
