whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
