Porn is love you can see.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just found puke in my bra..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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