I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
