I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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