Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
