are you so shy because you have an std?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
