i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
im six kinds of drunk right now
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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