my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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