i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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