tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
