I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
