hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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