I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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