wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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