I just saw a hot homeless man
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
