I wish I could punch you in the face.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
