I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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