What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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