she looked like the bat from fern gully.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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