I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
