okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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