the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
two words...techno handjob
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
