I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
