Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
