Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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