His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
