im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
