mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
