i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
