I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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