yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
someone owes me an orgasm
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
