Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize