I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
