I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
