DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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