I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
When did angry sex become our thing?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
