remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
