His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
