T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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