Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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