I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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