i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Are we still banned from the library?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
