im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
