she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
