my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize