It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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