Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
