so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
