porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
