we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
