went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize