in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
