I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
