I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
