My sheets look like a crime scene.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
