Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
