just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize