she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he laminated a picture of his dick.
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we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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