i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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