You work out of a Hotel?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
