well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
