yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
