What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
