i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
