Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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